Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Current thoughts - Being Pregnant Completely Changes You

I can only imagine how much my life is going to change once my daughter is actually here. For all my non-pregnant/non-momma friends you have no idea what is up ahead of you in the future. It is beautiful, it is scary, it is emotional and dramatic. And I cant imagine not being in this position. I am so in love with a 1 lb. kicking little baby.

* I woke up early every morning that week in June and anxiously stared at that little stick praying it would show me two lines. It took 3 days before that happened. The moment it happened I panicked. I was terrified, I changed my mind, I take it back! My life was forever going to be different and I was no longer sure I was ready! I laugh now at that day and I also know I am not alone. All moms go through a moment of fear. My husband brought me back and reminded me that we trusted God and prayed for His timing and that magic urine was not by chance. Since that day I have been nothing but excited!

* You look at life completely differently. Actually you look at life as if you were a small child. I wonder what bad decisions our country is making that my baby is going to have to deal with. Suddenly issues on politics, safety and education have a new light. It isnt about what is best for me and my generation, it's about the generation coming up. I just voted for an election with a whole new perspective.

* Every child looks different. Especially since finding out baby is a girl. When I see a little baby girl or waddling toddler or little girl dancing around the grocery store I tear up. I imagine little dresses and hair bows and princesses. All children look different. They are more precious, more special and more beautiful than I ever thought before. (and I am a teacher at heart!)

* I love my husband in a whole new way. I cant wait to see him be a father. I see him stronger yet more gentle than before - even with that burley beard he refuses to shave. Watching him create the baby room - paint, install flooring, build the crib - was just as romanitc as the proposal. This is a little person, a little mix of both of us that will physically bind us forever. She is the result of love in a marriage between a husband and wife. You cant possibly understand this feeling unless you are married and expecting a baby. I only fathomed it before, and it was nothing I imagined.

* Your body transforms into one you no longer recognize. I cant name one area of my body not changed. Everything. Sometimes I am sinfully vain and hate my new body. Sometimes I feel liberated that I dont need to feel pressure to conform to societies standards. I'm beginning to view my new shiny stretch marks as badges of honor, a right of passage into motherhood, something to be proud of. And it always seems that in a moment when I am down, when I look in the mirror and see anything but a "glow", I get a kick, a precious little reminder that it doesnt matter anymore. She does. Growing this miracle is more joyous than a size 2 body.

* Most importantly my love for God has grown. I am being given a gift that I do not deserve. I get to be the mother of this child of God and can only hope that we can raise her to love Him as he truely desires. I pray continually for strength in this pregnancy, for both our health, and for wisdom to raise a daughter of the Lord. I am so thankful and blessed! We are so excited to meet this little person God is preparing for us, and so excited to see what is in store for the rest of our future!

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